The Annotated Tourist's Glossary To Modern Edspeak

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With all the concern over the failure of public education, those of us within the Tower of Babel called public education forget that the orwellian language spoken here in our hollowed (sic) halls is not intelligible to those on the outside. LAUSD and other big city school districts have created a linguistic reality that is really most akin to the facades of a Hollywood back lot that gives the appearance of substance while being devoid of it, while allowing ease of dismantling for the next reform remake that will be constructed in its place. Districts like LAUSD have become more emboldened in their dysfunction, because they clearly know that nobody -- or mere minorities -- are left minding the store.

For those of you who take the mastery of edspeak seriously, there will be an assessment at the end (no there won't). However, have no fear, because like all LAUSD assessments that students presently take, the proctor of the assessment will have the answers and given his precarious job situation as a teacher if his students don't do well, I am sure that you can count on all the help you need in getting at least getting a passing grade in Edspeak 101 no matter what your actual work or commitment to the subject. For those seeking a more holistic experience, I have attached an actual LAUSD document that you can go through to test your own mastery of Edspeak. As a rule of thumb in making sense out of Edspeak, one should be aware that it is an Antonym Based Language (newly invented Edspeak term) where it'll always be a good guess that words and phrases mean pretty much the opposite of what they mean in standard English.

Annotated Tourist's Glossary to Modern Edspeak

Accountable: the ability to enumerate a long list of over generalized and non-offensive terms like motherhood and apple pie to describe in the most nebulous of terms possible that which will never be enforced in public education

Alphabet soup:
LEARN, LAAMP, IEP, SPED, MCD, IEP, BCCHS; pneumonics that most in education don't really know what they mean, which are about various programs that are continually being recycled year after year without enforcement 

Charter: a public school based on a contract between the school, students, and parents that is designed to do what public schools could do if anybody ever held them accountable

Checklist: a long enough list of overly generalized terms that is sure to cross the eyes of anybody reading it before they finish it. (see staff development)

Collaborative:
the top-down imposition of school policies that all certificated and classified staff must follow without input.

College going culture school:
Like the phrase, "I am somebody," something that is only stated in a reality where its achievement is impossible under the present conditions.

Culture based:
giving lipservice to everything positive that public schools presently seek to destroy in the consciousness of their students.(see post it history)

Innovation: something usually outside the comprehension of those involved, because of the unwillingness to teach something as mundane as the "3 Rs" at the appropriate time. Synonym: smoke and mirrors.

Ensure: taking cognizance of the impossibility of what one seeks to teach.

Form over content:  the fundamental concept upon which Edspeak is based.

Instructional activities: pseudo-modern term for classwork and homework

Performance Evaluation:
process necessitated by the continued conscious failure of public education.

Provide Services:
source concept for inflated public school budgets that considers more of anything where obscene amounts of money can be spent always better. (see Peter principle)

Staff Development:
regular meetings throughout the school year usually held on Tuesday that further cut into instruction time. Nothing presented is ever implemented. Could have been handled by an email if teachers either learned how to read or had the sustained concentration to do it. Synonym: a respite from classrooms where outrageous student behavior without administrative support or intervention and low foundational skills levels makes teaching impossible.

Standards: The presently unattainable indicators of what it means to be educated divided by grade level so one can see just home many years behind your students are and why it is impossible for you to engage them with what must be the humiliating foreign English linguistic foundation of your course that students have yet to master. (see dropouts and gangs)

System: a mathematical system based on the law of averages where the house always wins in the long run. In Las Vegas, it accounts for the counter intuitive ability to build a city in the middle of a desert. In LAUSD it is a way to create jobs and billions of dollars worth of contracts without ever succeeding in educating the majority of students.

Team: what you must be on if you want a career at LAUSD and do not want to be drummed out of education. (see Cosa Nostra- our thing)

Unique:
the same old same old.

Vision and Mission statement:
the totally unrealistic expectation of low functioning LAUSD schools that creates cynicism and defeatism when teachers and students compare it with the reality that they are forced to suffer on a daily basis.

Welligent program:
the virtual reality where special needs students get all the help and services they need to succeed in school. (see Never Neverland)

Pat Phrases

 Develop a clear way to communicate the lesson objective and standards in student friendly language: Where student literacy is clearly not there, the use of Secularized Evangelical Christian principles of Orel Roberts, Billy Graham, Rev. Jessie Jackson to engage students.

Identify all students that are to receive services and to ensure that all services are to be provided upon enrollment: Enroll students in classes even if budget cuts have eliminated these classes.

Analyze data from external and internal providers: Produce voluminous reports at great expense and job creation that nobody ever reads because they bear no relationship to reality.

Higher order thinking skills and high blooms taxonomy level of questioning
: Making the best out of students that think 9 x 9 = 90 by assisting them in applying for summer internships at Goldman Sachs.

Allow students to be fully engaged in the focus of instruction
: Involves pedagogic alchemical procedure to create knowledge from illiteracy. (see witchcraft)


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